Shameless Plug - Updog

Posted by Phildo | Labels: , , ,

Okay peoples! Here's the story...

Myself and a few like-minded individuals are doing a weekly podcast called Updog and I'd like for you to take a listen.

So what's it all about? Well I'm glad you asked. Updog is your moral compass, helping you navigate the troubling and often awkward waters of the modern social world.

Take a listen by clicking this link.

If there's something you'd like for us to cover on the show, you can email us, find us on Twitter me. I hope you enjoy it as much as we enjoy making it.


Never Go Full Retard

Posted by Phildo | Labels: , ,

So I've been on a big horror movie kick lately. Today I decided to peep Simon Says starring Crispin Glover, who you may remember as Marty McFly's dad in Back to the Future.

With acting like that, I've always felt sure Crispin would finally manage to hit his stride. Unfortunately, in 2006 he signed his death warrant by going full retard. Behold one of my favorite scenes in which Reggie B, the adorable finger-lickin' Bichon Frise pooch, gets literally squished beneath Crispin's mighty boot. 

I love movies like this...the ones that are so bad that you can't even be mad about it. Plus, seeing ol' Crispy Glove go full retard is a gift that just keeps on giving.

There is a scene in which the baby-voiced stoner character is sliding down a hill, narrowly dodging pick-axes smoking a fucking spliff.

God bless America.


Verizon iPhone in January? Mayyyybe.

Posted by Phildo | Labels: , , ,

Okay all you Verizon junkies and funky monkeys, it looks like your time has come. After three tedious years of being tied to AT&T and their apparently questionable service, various sources are reporting that the iPhone is finally going to rest its svelte little figure in the laurels of Verizon.

So there ya have it, Verizoners. Sit tight and you, too, can know the joy.

In case you'd rather read about it from a million other places (or in case you don't trust me), here are some links to support my claim:
Boy Genius Report


Porn Has Spoken: Flash is Dead

Posted by Phildo | Labels: , , , , ,

Ladies and gentlemen, pornography has spoken: Adobe's Flash is dead.

Starting with Apple's iconic CEO Steve Jobs releasing a snarky open-letter addressing why Apple has elected not to support Flash on its mobile platforms, it seems to have been an increasingly downward spiral for Adobe and its ubiquitous Flash software.

While a far cry from being dead in practical terms, the announcement from a major porn house declaring that they are moving to HTML5 instead of Flash could be the harbinger of doom for Adobe.


iPhone 4 vs. HTC Evo

Posted by Phildo | Labels: , , , ,

This is NSFW language-wise, but SO worth the watch.


Gilligan's Island - Take THAT, Lost!

Posted by Phildo | Labels: , , ,

Just read this interesting piece over at NPR:

Bob Denver as 
Hulton Archive/Getty Images

Sorry, Skipper: Was Gilligan (Bob Denver) the devil in disguise?

Poor castaways. Each week they would devise a way off the island. Each week Gilligan would thwart their escape  usually with the best of intentions.

Years after the show ended, its creator, Sherwood Schwartz, admitted that each of the characters represented one of the seven deadly sins — Pride (the Professor), Anger (Skipper), Lust, (Ginger), and the rest. Gilligan was supposed to be Sloth.

But a closer viewing indicates that the island may well have been Hell — and the red-clad Gilligan the devil who kept them on his island.

The greatest part of the metaphor, though, is that if the others ever wanted to get off the island, what they needed to do was kill Gilligan — and that each of us has our own inner Gilligan, that sweet-natured, well-meaning part of us that always sabotages us from getting what we really want.

Maybe if we truly want to succeed in life, we need to kill our own inner Gilligan.

Whatever your thoughts on that are, it's at least interesting to ruminate over. Plus it serves as a satisfying "fuck you" to Lost.

That's right, J.J. Abrams, I'm still mad at you.

Anyway, I guess I'm off to kill Gilligan.


Awesome Shots of Chicago Being Smote by Ligthning

Posted by Phildo | Labels: , ,

I dig lightning of all kinds (especially greased lightning), but this video of lightning striking three landmark Chicago buildings simultaneously is too cool not to share.

(Source Link)


Don't Worry About That Oil, It's Good For Your Skin...

Posted by Phildo | Labels: , , ,

Courtesy of Gizmodo, check out this startling video of one possible trajectory of the oil in the Gulf of Mexico as ocean currents sweep it out into the Atlantic.

Giz blogger Jesus Diaz put together a composite image of the trajectory with a view of the Gulf from space.

Obviously the oil wouldn't be nearly that visible from space, but the image gives you a shocking sense of scale, and if you have anything of a care about the environment, should hopefully help you see the gravity of this situation.

I, for one, am boycotting BP, which is a shame because prior to this disaster I rather enjoyed BP's generally clean stores. I have to admit, their rebranding with the "greener" logo also had me subconsciously thinking "Now here's a company that cares about the planet. Plus they're British! Hugh Grant would never do anything wrong...*"

It would scarcely be sufficient for BP to go completely out of business; indeed I think that's the minimum of what we should learn from this. So all you Martha's Vinyard folks, enjoy your crabs and lobster while you can, before you have to get used to that slick, tar-like oil flavoring that's about to be in your brunch.

*Except get busted multiple times for getting freaky with hookers.


My Joy Is Your Joy

Posted by Phildo | Labels: , ,

Because I love all my children equally. Or something.


Two Girls, One (World) Cup (O, Caca en una Taza con dos Mujeres que Comían Mientras Jugaban al Fútbol)

Posted by Phildo | Labels: , , ,

I never watched Two Girls One Cup, and I'm really having to resist the temptation to link to it here just to mess with you. But I love you more than that.


Pentagon Working on Zombies? Yup. Zombies.

Posted by Phildo | Labels: , , , , ,

Okay. Not really zombies, but the next best thing.


The Day of Reckoning Is Nigh - Hide Your

Posted by Phildo | Labels: , , , , ,

So like many of you, I spent hours upon hours yesterday trying to pre-order the iPhone 4. I worked out a pretty sweet deal where I was actually going to end up MAKING twenty bucks off buying it (more on that in a second), but thanks to the 1.7 trillion people who were trying to log onto either Apple or AT&T's website, I was faced with server errors and butt plugs and fairy pixies and a lot of this may be related to the three tabs of acid I took at 7 am. And the butt plug sale at ButtPlug-Mart.

As you doubtlessly saw from your constant refreshing of my blog, which I'm sure you do every day, I was facing this dilemma. I called AT&T, who told me their actual internal network was down and I was told to go the store.


Excuse me, missy. This is 2010. I shouldn't have to get off my slender, svelte and muscled ass (thank you butt plugs!) to do anything I don't damn well please to do! Like pet the orange polar bear that was doing the Macarena on my bed (again, probably the acid). I have poked fun at people who gripe and complain about AT&T as the sole carrier of the iPhone.

Heyyyyy Macarena!

But with this, I came to realize that AT&T really has to be such an inept fucking company to not expect a jillion people trying to access their servers. Let's break it down, this is how I'm seeing the AT&T board meeting going:

EXEC 1: So, this new iPhone, looks pretty neat, eh? Apparently there are all kinds of "apps."

EXEC 2: Yeah, I heard there's even a calculator!

EXEC 1: Psh. Yeah right!

EXEC 2: No, seriously! If you turn the phone sideways it becomes a scientific calculator!

EXEC 1: What's that?

EXEC 2: I have no clue! Doesn't it sound cool!??

UNDERLING 1: Umm...should we maybe look at making sure we have enough bandwidth to handle all the demand for the iPhone 4?

EXEC 1: (aside to EXEC 2) What's an iPhone 4?

EXEC 2: (aside to EXEC 1) I don't know but I hope it's got a calculator!

EXEC 1 and EXEC 2 burst into laughter.

UNDERLING 1: Well it's just that when the first iPhone came out, our activation servers were so backlogged that some people had to wait five or six days to activate their iPhones. A lot of people were mad.

EXEC 1: But...they still paid for those days, right?

UNDERLING 1: Well...most of them, yes.

EXEC 2 picks up phone and dials an extension.

EXEC 2: Barry? Does Verizon have the iPhone yet? (beat) No? Great, thanks!

EXEC 1: Well?

EXEC 2: We're all set! Meeting adjourned! Who wants to go eat some babies?


And for that reason AT&T was yet again bamboozled by the number of people who want to get their hands on a sexy lil' device. 

Yours truly was among the unlucky few that despite approximately SEVEN HOURS of intermittent trying, was unable to pre-order one. Thankfully, a gent on Twitter by the name of @carpejoseph pointed out that you could reserve one at an Apple store via the Apple Store App (which is so poorly designed I have to wonder if Steve-O knows what's going on with it). After my third or fourth try, I was able to reserve one. I got an email from Apple saying to pick up my iPhone at 7 AM on June 24th. 

Let me ask you, which do you think I would rather do? Sit at home in my underwear drinking schnapps and abusing the Romanian child who works for me (don't worry it's nothing sexual, I just make fun of his lisp) or getting up at ass-o-clock in the morning to clean and load my AK-47 assault rifle and driving some amount of minutes to the closest Apple store so I can stand in the burning hot morning sun and then go inside a store of absolute pandemonium and get molested by thirty or forty people? 

The answer, people, involves my undies and a downtrodden but resolute little Romanian boy.

AT&T, ya done fucked up. Again. Don't make me jail break this mother fucker. Because I think Verizon's a bunch of dickfaces, Sprint is for octogenarians and T-Mobile is for people without credit.

Phildo - out.

Phildo - back in.

I forgot to tell you. If you already have an iPhone, iPhone 3G or iPhone 3GS, there's a great website called Gazelle that will buy your device off of you. They pay for shipping, handling, and handjos. Two of those are true. You decide. But seriously, great service to sell off old gadgets and end up with some cash in your pocket. Because my 3GS is in nigh perfect condition, I'm making a cool $350 off of it. Boo. Ya.

Phildo - back out.


Phildo - back in.

Hey guys and gals, if you enjoy this, which I hope you do, the best thing you can do is share it with your friends and family. Maybe not your grandmother. She might be offended. But really that's the highest compliment you can pay me. Yes, I enjoy writing for myself, but it means a lot if you like it enough to share it with your friends. Thank you for reading, and remember, comments are always welcome!


People Still Think Radioactive Boom-Boom Will Make Your Brain Go Sploosh

Posted by Phildo | Labels: , , , , ,

First of all, how much do we love that title? Yes. We love it. Anyway, according to Popular Science, some blokes in San Francisco (or bears*, possibly) have decided that cell phone makers have to now provide hard-to-read graphs illustrating how much electromagnetic whatchamacallems enter your brain.

Badass futuristic eye-patch, or illustration of your brain melting? You decide!

Anyway, because I totally understand that image, I'm just glad I can finally have a reason to be glad that no one ever calls me. Except L.A. Fitness** They have really exciting deals if I rejoin now. Apparently. ***
*Sorry if you clicked the bears thing. I just couldn't resist the gay joke.

**And my mom.****

***Seriously, fuck you L.A. Fitness.

****And my grandma.



Posted by Phildo | Labels: , , ,


Hulk want iPhone!

Related: I have got to stop referring to myself as the Hulk. Lou Ferrigno is going to sue me again.


Things I'm Pissed At

Posted by Phildo | Labels: , , , ,

Okay. It's Tuesday. It's hot out. This old dude across from me at the coffee shop has been blathering on and on about his stupid dead wife. She got hit by a bus. I know, right? Also pretty sure I'm suffering from withdrawal (meth, it's tough to kick, y'know). So, here's a list of things that are currently chapping my chappie.


How To Plug the Oil Spill

Posted by Phildo | Labels: , , ,

I know I know, all I'm doing is posting other people's stuff the last few days, but my brain is made of mucus at this point. So cut me a break. I'm going to go down a bottle of anti-biotics and weep.

(via Penny Arcade)


Cloud Man Says Hello

Posted by Phildo | Labels: , ,

Give me money. Just sayin'.

(via Happy Chair Is Happy)