So I have this deviated septum. I've had it ever since high school when this fucking kid in a fucking play was supposed to fake punch me but then he actually fucking punched me in the nose. So I've lived the entirety of my adult life with chronically stuffy sinuses, frequent winter nosebleeds and just general olfactory curmudgeonliness.
Well, fuckos....it stops NOW. I've had this nosebleed for a little over 20 minutes, which I know I know...you're supposed to go to the doctor if this happens. But I've been before. They just say "well you could have your entire fucking nose operated on" and then wipe their asses with money and lawsuit paperwork. But as of tonight, I've fucking had it. First order of business in 2011 is to get this shit operated on. Cut me open doc, bleed me dry! I'm fucking tired of fucking having fucking nosebleeds in the fucking wintertime! Everytime the air is the least bit dry my nose goes "Oh, ho ho! LET ME BLEED FOR A YEAR."
No, I don't do cocaine.
"Oh! Ho ho! BLEEEEEEDING!" Fuck. This. Noise.
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, AND ALL THAT IS HOLY...MY NOSE....IS BLEEDING!
I'll be the first to admit, I've been pretty hard on this body of mine. If our bodies are temples, then I'm some sort of weird militant lesbian buddhist waging a war against corporate oligarchy and my body is my battered Tibetan temple. But c'mon. The FIRST thing someone assumes when I'm like "Whoopsie! Time to bleed out!" is Oh I bet he does a shitload of cocaine. Well lemme ask you something, bucko, do I look like I do a bunch of cocaine? Fucking no I don't.
Okay. It's really fucking hard to find a concise video of a nuclear explosion, which is what I was going to try and use to close this shit up...so fuck it.
I was going through a derelict image folder just now and found this screengrab...this guy has been around since the internet was just a place that AOL wiped its ass with. Wonder whatever happened to him. Its sardonic motherfuckers like him that helped build this playground we all call "the net."
Ha. Who calls it "the net?"
This is just too cool. To promote the release of the forthcoming Nexus S, the latest Google-branded smartphone, those zany Googlers sent seven of the phones into the highest reaches of the atmosphere. The phones were running various Google apps like Maps, Sky Maps and Latitude to see how they would function under the different environmental conditions. Check out this insane video from one of the weather balloons Google used to send the phones up.
Just a heads up - if you're scared of being 100,000 feet above the earth and/or easily get motion sickness, probably don't click play. If you want to see awesome vistas of our planet and the admittedly adorable little green android, go ahead and click play.
I was going through the archives here at the Updog Space Station and I came across a peculiar finding...I have about 50 half-finished or unpublished posts. Yikes!
Ever since declaring my intentions of publishing something to this godforsaken wannabe blog every day of 2011, I've been toying with the idea to have some "features," or what you might call "columns" in the real world of bonafide journalism/print media. Since we're operating under the illusion that people actually read this nonsense, I'm going to lay it all out there, put it all on the line, spread that eagle...? Anyway...here's what I'm thinking for the columns (inspired by Twitter's daily memes):
- Movie Mondays - I watch a lot of movies. I'm going to bitch, moan and complain about them on Mondays.
- Tentative Tuesdays - I'm going to finish a previously unfinished post and then post that shit, yo.
- Weird Wednesdays - Whatever the hell I want to post about. It's my fucking website.
- Thoughtful Thursdays - Awww...feelings.
- Fried Fridays - After a long week, sometimes what you need is a good cocktail. I'm going to drink it and then write about it.
The Navy is joining NASA in the search for most ridiculously badass way to use rail guns. Because y'know, having more nuclear warheads than anyone else in the world isn't nearly enough to ensure national safety.
The Electromagnetic Aircraft Launch System (EMALS), can move a 100,000 pound jet 240mph across a 300 foot runway space. According to the Navy, not only is EMALS is a smaller and more efficient method of launching planes than steam turbines, it can deliver 30% more power. The Navy says they will to use this system to launch all aircraft from carriers going forward, including heavy strike fighters and lightweight drones.Okay now for the video.
If launching fighter jets in preposterously small spaces at preposterously high speeds isn't your particular cup of rail gun tea, maybe this video of the fastest-moving projectile ever will give your "gun" a little bit more "rail." Heh. Like that? Me neither.
Motorola was once the name in cell phones, and to a lesser extent, portable consumer electronics. If you can harken all the way back to 2003 and 2004, the Motoral Razr was the hottest phone on the market. By October of 2005 it had sold nearly 40 million units. That's a helluva lot of phones in a pre-iPhone world. As the Razr became a ubiquitous phone in the hands of everyone from tweens to business mogels who still couldn't fully rely on their Blackberries and Palm Treos, it soon began to languish as the advent of the smartphone came and said "Can we come out to play?" As the Treo and Blackberry evolved, adding rudimentary apps and extra functionality that even the Razr V3's "iTunes compatibility" began to be too little, too late. Once the iPhone came on the market it was over for anyone who didn't have a direct competitor.
In fact, Motorola didn't post ANY growth from Q4 2006 until Q3 2010 when it finally launched a veritable smartphone competitor, featuring Google's Android OS.
A company that languishes that long, especially with a track record as a former industry leader, knows that it will take something big to bring them back into the mainstream as a competitor to the increasingly popular tablet devices like the iPad and the forthcoming slew of Android tablets like the Galaxy S from Samsung. That's why I find this particular teaser for 2011's CES conference to be of great interest. Is it possible that Motorola will once more create a compelling product? I, for one, am particularly interested. Competition drives innovation, keeps prices low and forces companies to constantly provide better products and services. A formidable challenge to industry leader Apple spells nothing but greater innovation and change in the portable computing industry.
What do you think? Is it too late for Motorola to make a comeback? At the very least they've shown that they're capable of making a clever advertisement - an essential skill if you're going to compete with the advertising geniuses over at Apple.
Haha...I love pretending that people read this. Read more...
I've been a big fan of Google Docs for quite awhile and use it regularly both for business and work purposes. I even thought I was pretty advanced in my usage...until I saw this. This trio of animators made this video in three days using nothing but Google Docs, effectively showing me that I have accomplished nothing with my life.
So. 2010 is almost over. Don't you worry your little heads though, my Year In Review is forthcoming (no, seriously). Before we get to all that good stuff I wanted to take a second and share my one resolution for 2011 - the one thing that I will not fail at.
In 2010 I have gone the whole year without a cigarette. If you knew me as a smoker (and ever went to a bar with me) you know how significant of a change that is. I went cold turkey, a show of willpower that the Phildo brand is not often associated with. So, emboldened by my accomplishment, I am going to undertake an unprecedented leap forward in 2011.
I am going to post something to this blog every single day of 2011. That's right. Like it or not. Content. Comin' atcha. Even if it's just some shitty video or picture like my last 8 million posts have been, I'm putting something up here.
Now that that's out in the open, don't be surprised if you see some changes in the look and feel of the place. 2011 is the year that this blog moves from "shitty blog that nobody reads" to "shitty blog that about 100 people read." You heard it here first, folks.
Whatever you decide to be resolute about in 2011, best of luck to you - don't join a gym though. You'll quit going. And don't start a new diet program. You'll just fall off the wagon after 10 pounds.
God...I'm so motivational, aren't I?
- It's 5:47 CMT and that can only mean one thing...
- Thank You, Ladies (Video)
- This is beyond awesome...
- I'm Falling Afuckingpart
- Navy Pilots Playing "Dunk the Helicopter In Lake T...
- Whatever Happened to Maddox?
- Google Launches Android Into Space (Video)
- Unfinished Business
- Rail Guns Are Badass
- Alex Mack ≠ Extreme Militia
- Remember the Motorola Razr? Remember all the stuff...
- And you thought your Powerpoint presentation was s...
- New Year's Resolution
- Everyone Else Has Had More Sex Than Me
- An Elucidation on Cat Ownership
- November (6)
- September (1)
- August (1)
- July (14)
- June (17)
- May (27)
- February (6)
- December (15)