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Ehhhhhhhhhhhh. The French.

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Posted by Phildo | Labels: , , ,

So I'm taking the opportunity of being unemployed AGAIN to learn myself some French. So I procured a copy of Rosetta Stone for French and I'ma do this shit. As I'm working my way through lesson one, I'm thinking "Wow. This really is intuitive. They have me thinking in French instead of thinking what the picture is in English and then brain-smooshing it into French. Cool!"

But then I noticed something was kind of fishy...what's going on with these pictures? Take the one for "Ils lisent" for example:

"Ehhhh look! Zee Snookie, she is...l'naked in zee newspapier!"

First of all, am I supposed to be learning that all men in France wear some variation of turtleneck? We've got micro-crew-neck, crew-neck and two full-on turtlenecks. This software is dated 2010, folks. Even Steve Jobs gave up the halfsie-crew-neck-turtleneck-neckaneck. Also, is that James Franco on the right? That guy is fucking everywhere!


We all know that all French men are gay. The movies, literature, history, the movies, and also the movies, have taught us that French men, even if gay, will have sex with your family and we will all be okay with it thanks to the debt owed to General LaFayette (if you catch my homage there, we're getting married). Which explains this image for "Les hommes cuisinet."

"Here Gerald. Let me help you." "Thank you Arnold. Claude, are you fingering me?" "Oui." "Bon."

Three men wearing aprons lovingly looking at a single pot that appears to be in a bathroom from the future. I call bullshit. These hommes ne sont pas de cuisson. The guy on the left is cracking open a vial of black tar heroine, the guy in the middle is the only one sober enough to hold the damn bowl still and the guy on the right just escaped sex offender/debtor's prison and needs him a fix before Chris Hanson shows up.

All in all, I'm learning French, I'm learning that the French people are shifty butt-snatchers with a penchant for drugs and turtlenecks.

I'd say I'm definitely improving as a person.



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2 blah blah blahs:

  1. HYP said...:
    March 22, 2011 at 10:56 AM

    Seriously. You need to write. All. The. Time. I have tears rolling down my face from laughing so hard.

  1. Phildo said...:
    March 30, 2011 at 8:41 PM

    The big takeaway here is that I'm learning French much more quickly now that I've updated my turtleneck collection.

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