So I'm taking the opportunity of being unemployed AGAIN to learn myself some French. So I procured a copy of Rosetta Stone for French and I'ma do this shit. As I'm working my way through lesson one, I'm thinking "Wow. This really is intuitive. They have me thinking in French instead of thinking what the picture is in English and then brain-smooshing it into French. Cool!"

But then I noticed something was kind of fishy...what's going on with these pictures? Take the one for "Ils lisent" for example:

Today I will write about nothing.

Except that in so doing, I'm writing about something. Assuming that nothing is in fact something.

You can probably see why I contemplated not writing. Since I'm of no use to society on this day, I'll just waste all of our time and list some things that I'm currently digging.

• Baby Carrots (or really any food that is baby-sized, like baby corn? Fuck yes!)
• The debauchery of The Cabinet. Reminds me of my younger days.
• My new moonlighting gig. Not literally, you silly readers! 
• The fact that YouTube recommended a video called "The Most Racist Commercials" for me to watch.

• Chicken quesadillas. 
• Having absolutely no gumption to write anything substantial.

Part III:
Dress to De-depress

So you've been laid off, fired, let go, axed, hacked, whacked, deep-sixed, butt-fuc...anyway. You're gone. You're funemployed. The first few weeks go by and you learn to adapt to this new and strange way of living.  If you're like me, your collection of sweatpants was either rediscovered or revamped, and a general malaise has begun to convolute your every action.

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Well it's been just over two months of unemployment, folks. If you missed how it happened...then I'm sorry, but I'm done talking about it. At least for now. I may feel the need in the foreseeable future. It's certainly been quite a journey; one filled with beards, Zack Galafinakis comparisons, confused intoxication and a few other things as well. I sit now on the cusp of some very serious job hunting, including a prospect that incredibly combines my love for all things dubbed "new media," the psychology of advertising, the advertising of advertising and the...THE INTERNET. I know what you're thinking, "He must be on another bender." And don't get me wrong, if I could be, I would be. Unfortunately the cash crunch prohibits even alcohol consumption. That's how you know I've gotten to the bottom of the financial barrel - no booze. I'm essentially living right at the poverty level; wondering where my next meal will come from, scrounging up pennies and quarters from wherever I can find them. The dollar menu is an unemployed man's best friend and his waistline's worst enemy. But that's another post. It is this very financial insecurity that brings me to the first thing I've learned from being unemployed:

Part I:
Saving Money is Hardly Easy: Easy to Do But Hard to Live With

I'm sending a signal to your box. Heh...did you see what I did there?

Who is your daddy, and what does he drive?

Conserving trips will not only help save your precious money from being spent on gasoline (and leaving a larger pool for your booze budget) but you'll also be doing...shit...there's something else...oh that's right, helping the environment. This pretty much speaks for itself; if you're a list-person (we'll get to that in a bit), figure out which things on your list are errands, and which are close together. You'll get more knocked out at one time and in turn feel slightly better about yourself when standing in front of the mirror thinking "Which sweatpants should I wear today?"

5) Cook at home. I know. I know. This one is tough. But if you can master the art of coupon-clipping and curb that burgeoning alcoholism, you'll have enough money to make some pretty great meals at home. This article from The New York Times has a great 10-item shopping list that I have bought on more than one occasion for around $15 and made 5 different meals multiple times. There are tons of resources around the interwebs for eating on a budget, so find them, Pokey.

6) Put your pride in the freezer. If you're lucky enough to have friends they will probably want to spend time with you.

You won't be able to afford their apartment on an unemployed person's salary. But they can still cook for you.

Don't be too proud to accept an invite over for dinner or the charity of a friend bringing some food over to you. Of course, if you don't have friends, then we're going to have to figure that out later.

Obviously there's a lot more that can be done to save money while unemployed, but those six things have helped me to survive while I soul search and find what the next stage in The Life of Phil will be.

Part II: "We just think you're overqualified" in this 10 part series will be coming soon. Please feel free to share your own tips on saving money, because umm..*ahem*...I could use them, too. Until then, don't think too hard, it makes you look ugly.