America Shocked at Hooters' Policy Towards Women
Wait wait wait. What the shit? Okay. Watch the video first. Then we need to talk.
Ages 1- 4: Daddy drinks a lot, Mommy cries a lot. Jeffy cries a lot and gets alcohol-sullied breast milk.
Ages 5- 9: This is fucking Detroit people. Not Poughkeepsie. There ain't nothing to live for in Detroit except for booze and sad women. That's why you never hear someone say "You know where I wanna go? Detroit. The land of opportunity. The fertile crescent." OH WAIT. IT'S FUCKING DETROIT. This kid was probably given raw rubber for lunch meat, taught that women work in the office of an automotive plant and expected to grow up accordingly.
Ages 5- 9: This is fucking Detroit people. Not Poughkeepsie. There ain't nothing to live for in Detroit except for booze and sad women. That's why you never hear someone say "You know where I wanna go? Detroit. The land of opportunity. The fertile crescent." OH WAIT. IT'S FUCKING DETROIT. This kid was probably given raw rubber for lunch meat, taught that women work in the office of an automotive plant and expected to grow up accordingly.
Ages 10-15: Corn dogs.
Ages 16-24: See "Ages 10-15."
Age 24: Hired as floor supervisor at local Hooters. Because y'know. He knows all the waitresses and he's the only patron who hasn't tried to hit one of them.
Age 24-Present: He's hitting those waitresses.
Look. I love chicken wings. They're delicious. Offer me a chicken wing, go ahead. Am I gonna say no? Well...depending on the time of day, maybe. But point is, they're great. I love women, too! (Women, I love you.) But c'mon. Panty hose and semi-booty shorts? Hooters could've chosen to be a successful topless restaurant or a successful hangout for balding men who look back fondly on 1992...waaaaait a minute. That's what Hooters IS.
Age 24-Present: He's hitting those waitresses.
Look. I love chicken wings. They're delicious. Offer me a chicken wing, go ahead. Am I gonna say no? Well...depending on the time of day, maybe. But point is, they're great. I love women, too! (Women, I love you.) But c'mon. Panty hose and semi-booty shorts? Hooters could've chosen to be a successful topless restaurant or a successful hangout for balding men who look back fondly on 1992...waaaaait a minute. That's what Hooters IS.
So no, Lil' Baby Girl Waitress, I don't feel bad for you, because y'know what? If you're 5'8" and weigh 132 pounds, you should have the confidence (and the support of the entire medical community) to know that you are not fat. You should be able to look at your morbidly obese boss and know you're not fat. And you should also know that if you work at a restaurant that is named after BREASTS that you aren't exactly working for the pinnacle of enlightenment.
And microwave their food.
