10 Things I've Learned From Unemployment, Pt. III
Part III:
Dress to De-depress
So you've been laid off, fired, let go, axed, hacked, whacked, deep-sixed, butt-fuc...anyway. You're gone. You're funemployed. The first few weeks go by and you learn to adapt to this new and strange way of living. If you're like me, your collection of sweatpants was either rediscovered or revamped, and a general malaise has begun to convolute your every action.
It's okay to wallow for a week, maybe even two. Take it from me, any more than that can lead to the dreaded spiral of doom. go ahead, get dangerously drunk (not an endorsement for alcoholism, just an endorsement for alcohol consumption as a coping method...um...yeah), cry and yell at your fish. Don't you dare wear normal clothes that first week. It's a little known fact that Ben & Jerry's makes 80% of their profits from women on their periods the recently unemployed. Pull a Big Lebowski and go to the grocery store in your boxers, a robe and some slippers (sunglasses are a must).
It's true that people thrive if they have a set schedule, just look at Lindsay Lohan (I'm gonna let you turn that into whatever joke you want - she's useless). If you're unemployed, it's easy to let yourself slip into a pattern of sleeping all day and staying up all night. Take it from me. This is especially true if your job had you working unusual hours to begin with. Take this unemployment stuff as an opportunity to put yourself on a regular schedule. Wake up at 7, have a cup of coffee, stare at the wall, then jump in the shower, put on some clothes goddamnit! If you're a dude, put on a suit if you have to. Khakis and a polo or button-down shirt will probably make you feel like you're a man who has something to do. If you're a woman, try
