Poker is Better than Soccer (alternating Capital letters Title)
OK, listen. We need to talk. So pull up a chair, put some shaving cream on that upper lip so I can laugh at you if I start to feel uncomfortable, and let's do this.
Wait, dammit. Two prefaces just to make this post work, we're off to a bad start, people. I just want to say unless you watch The World Series of Poker, this post will make absolutely no sense. I'll try to make it entertaining even if you don't watch it.
There are two hosts for the WSOP main event, one guy is sort of like your Uncle Jeff, who's a nice guy, has a barbecue grill at his house and is always hosting the family 4th of July gathering. The other guy is sort of like your Uncle Ted, the weird one. He's had six wives, has held random jobs ranging from car dealer to puppet-seller and thinks a short-sleeved collared shirt with a tie is "dressing up."
We're here to talk about the Uncle Ted guy. His name is apparently impossible to find on Google because God knows I've tried to find it. If you've ever watched WSOP, you know who I'm talking about, he's the guy who will hear someone put 330 down on a bet and say "I hate the sound of 3:30, it's when my kids get out of school," followed by the chuckle of Uncle Jeff.
What in the hell is going on with this guy?
"He can only win the pot by betting on it, kind of like how I lost my car to my ex-wife in a game of 21."
Who? Who writes these jokes for this guy? And how are they so readily available? I refuse to believe that one man can have so many one-liners about his marriage and not have a team of divorced, Jewish writers whispering to him in an earborne microphone. And the nasal voice, the awkwardly excited moments? I just...I'm sorry. I'm not all here right now, it's been a weird night. I probably should've written about that instead, but if I got paid for writing, my third ex-wife would have a lot more than my dignity right now. Hey ohhh!
I dedicate to you that at least once a week, as long as poker is on television, I will try to post one of his one-liners to help bring you up to speed with what I'm talking about.
I think for once, you are probably thinking harder than I am.
So shut up.
Oh and thanks for wearing the shaving cream on your upper lip. That really made it easier for me.
