Fix me.

So I have this deviated septum. I've had it ever since high school when this fucking kid in a fucking play was supposed to fake punch me but then he actually fucking punched me in the nose. So I've lived the entirety of my adult life with chronically stuffy sinuses, frequent winter nosebleeds and just general olfactory curmudgeonliness.

Well, fuckos....it stops NOW. I've had this nosebleed for a little over 20 minutes, which I know I know...you're supposed to go to the doctor if this happens. But I've been before. They just say "well you could have your entire fucking nose operated on" and then wipe their asses with money and lawsuit paperwork. But as of tonight, I've fucking had it. First order of business in 2011 is to get this shit operated on. Cut me open doc, bleed me dry! I'm fucking tired of fucking having fucking nosebleeds in the fucking wintertime! Everytime the air is the least bit dry my nose goes "Oh, ho ho! LET ME BLEED FOR A YEAR."

No, I don't do cocaine.

"Oh! Ho ho! BLEEEEEEDING!" Fuck. This. Noise.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, AND ALL THAT IS HOLY...MY NOSE....IS BLEEDING!

I'll be the first to admit, I've been pretty hard on this body of mine. If our bodies are temples, then I'm some sort of weird militant lesbian buddhist waging a war against corporate oligarchy and my body is my battered Tibetan temple. But c'mon. The FIRST thing someone assumes when I'm like "Whoopsie! Time to bleed out!" is Oh I bet he does a shitload of cocaine. Well lemme ask you something, bucko, do I look like I do a bunch of cocaine? Fucking no I don't.

Okay. It's really fucking hard to find a concise video of a nuclear explosion, which is what I was going to try and use to close this shit up...so fuck it.