Okay. It's Tuesday. It's hot out. This old dude across from me at the coffee shop has been blathering on and on about his stupid dead wife. She got hit by a bus. I know, right? Also pretty sure I'm suffering from withdrawal (meth, it's tough to kick, y'know). So, here's a list of things that are currently chapping my chappie.


1) I haven't updated this mother in a while. I can't explain to you why because there really is no reason. Maybe I should just crawl into a cave and die.

2) This dude tried to jump off a bridge in Atlanta today. That just pisses me off. Bastard.

3) Tony Hayward (I almost wrote Tony Hale, but I fucking love that guy) and the rest of fucking BP. Check this out:

Yup. That's like a heroine dealer telling a heroine addict "Yeah I know this shit is killing you, but you like it don't you?" Actually I'm pretty sure that's exactly what heroine dealers say. Here we are, with the fucking leak not even plugged, and they've got this guy there saying "Yeah well...fuck fish. You like your SUV's don't you?" Bump that. BP should give a million fucking dollars to everyone in America. That's only $308 million bucks. That's a drop in the bucket for those...buttheads. I'm gonna start a petition.

4) Linen pants. I don't own a pair of linen pants. I want to look like I just came from an island goddamnit.

5) Arizona. For being in the headlines so much.

6) That movie, what was it? Raising Arizona. I don't think I saw it, but I know I don't like it.

7) This stupid, stupid creative block I'm facing.

8) Maxim magazine.

There. Someone send me a puppy. And sunshine. And linen pants.